WAKE UP

listening to: Everett while writing this...















"Trust in the Lord and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires" - Psalm 37:3-4


There it is, that feeling. Right here. Right now. Standing alone on the side of the street. The fall dusk is giving its last glow right before the sun hides itself behind the California palm trees. Such a beautiful sky pasted above a cement scene.

That feeling is hard to describe. If ever there was a paradoxical feeling, this one is it. Just like the dusk sun and cement, it feels like two clashing patterns stitched together in a patchwork quilt. Somewhere though, I feel my heart lurch like it has just gotten a small jolt of electricity. The past is meeting the future as each present second ticks, and ticks, but it is more than just the hands on a clock, it's the hands of God moving dreams and reality closer and closer together, moving me closer to Him.

"I want to know, God! What do You have in store for me!" I hear the question fill up all the empty spaces in my mind as I silently cry out. Then somehow I know. "This is it God," I pray, "This is the feeling." I can own it now. No longer is it that feeling. No, now it is the feeling. My feeling.

People can feel sad. People can feel mad. People can feel all kinds of things, but this feeling is what I call "alive". Is it a happy feeling? Not necessarily, yet it is not unwelcome. The feeling makes me feel all my humanness, and all my spirit at the same time. I am whole, and I am what God meant when He knitted me together in my mother's womb. I don't know what my Father will call me in heaven, but somewhere it is as if He's called it out, and it has reached my ears. Thump, thump, thump, my heart wakes up.

It is time for the dreams of the past to stop being mere dreams. God has heard my prayers over the years, and the journey He has taken me on is not a coincidence. The things I only hoped would come to pass are somehow making their way into reality. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Heb. 11:1). Do I have a firm grasp on the details, no, and I don't want to, but deep down in my soul I feel an assurance that something big lies ahead. I will wait on the Lord...expectantly, and whatever lies ahead on the path I will take on full force "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Tim. 1:7). AMEN

Just Like the Rain...and then some

Rain is a funny thing. There it goes dripping down the hem of your skirt, and it gives you a choice. Either you can be upset, and starting hating the way it makes you uncomfortable, or you can just embrace it, let go of the umbrella, and walk.

I realized that loving the rain is a lot like loving your enemies. There are so many enemies it seems. They make you feel cold, and you feel a lot like running away and hiding where they can't find you. But if I can love the rain I can love my enemies. I can take down my umbrella and just take whatever they starting pouring all over me. Why? Because in the end there's so much more freedom in letting love win than in being a coward, and running for cover. Did I really just use the word coward? Yes, because so often I found myself afraid to face my enemies, afraid of what they might do to me. I don't want to be a coward, I want to be courageous.

So I will love the rain, no matter how unexpected, or unpredictable, and no matter what it might do to me. Easy? No, but God didn't say to ask for easy, He said to love Him, and love others more than I love myself.

Lord help me to always love the "rain".

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Current music: The Weepies
Current book: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (Thanks to my lovely friend for telling me to read them)

Also, I am going to tell the world this...if you don't already know Drew Ryniewicz from Chino Valley made it on to Simon Cowell's X-Factor. So just watch, and be blown away like I am :) Go Drew!

Water

Recently, yesterday actually, I realized more than ever that this thing we call walking with God is just as many people say, and endless ocean of mystery. Yet, somehow God shows you just the right current to swim in even if you aren't sure where it's going to take you.
So here's to new waters...
I have begun to pray about changing my major...the major that is the reason I chose this school over others much closer to home. I thought I wanted to do Commercial Music and learn all about the industry and how to record, which would still be nice, but I've realized that there is something deeper that God is calling me to do. I am not quite sure what it means at this point, but it has a whole lot to do with this guy, Chad Johnson, who is the founder of Come&Live! a 501(c)(3) non-profit music ministry. The main quote from his feature with Neue Magazine really struck me. Johnson states, "If we're not laboring for the kingdom than we're wasting time," and it reiterates what I believe God is tugging me toward. If I choose any degree it should be for the glory of God and to love others above myself. I admit...the motives of my heart were not firstly to honor God when I chose Commercial Music. In case you want to know, I'm praying about doing the Music and Worship degree program here, so please keep that in your prayers as well. This could be a messy tide to wade in at first, but I guess when it comes to walking with the Spirit I better start hitting the waves because the only way to go is headfirst.

Dream Catching

You can catch a cold. You can catch a ball. You can catch fire.
But how do you catch a dream?
I have so many ideas, and glimpses of what I could be doing five, ten, twenty years from now. I want to get there...somehow. No ordinary dream catcher will do. String and feathers don't hold up much, and honestly we all know those things don't even work to catch the bad dreams nonetheless the good ones. I need something big. Something like God's hands. He is not made up of strings, and feathers, no, He's made up of everything good, and a whole lot more than sugar and spice. If He can hold the world He can hold me, and lead me around like the small child of faith I want to be and show me the masterpiece He's inviting me to be a part of. I want to catch a dream.

I suppose this will be a journey journal... or a dream journal. I am in this new season of life, college, and there are so many new discoveries. You are welcome to journey with me, and hopefully you too will find a dream, or two, or three.